Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
