if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize