I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
