I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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