I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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