So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
