I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
