I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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