Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
