I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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