I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
