I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
