Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
