You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
