i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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