I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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