I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
