he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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