She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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