I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
