Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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