Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize