Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
