i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize