Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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