I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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