Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize