Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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