I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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