just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
