I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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