Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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