lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
