Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize