I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
