she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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