Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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