She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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