I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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