i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
we're so committed to being not committed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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