I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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