i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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