I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
