We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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