letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
