so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
