Me. At least after what I've been through.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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