Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
