I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
