i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
