You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
