we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
