Kiss
Puke
Ketchup is God's man juice
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
