Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
