and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
