I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
