Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
