The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize