and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
