office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
