My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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