you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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