Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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