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And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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