He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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