I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
