party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
